emotional roller coaster

today has not really been that great for me. i know that i "should" go to church but it is such an emotional roller coaster for me when i do so that makes me not want to go. everything reminds me of the life i used to have and will probably never have again. people in ministry, men of integrity, teenagers............ just makes me want to sit at my house and not go. i went this morning and this couple got up and testified about how they were divorced and God brought them back together and now they are in ministry together and all of that. it just makes me mad cause i never wanted to be one of those couples with the whole "we made it through this and you can too stories" not that that is a bad thing or whatever i just didn't want to go through something like this. i know that people make it through this kind of stuff all the time and are better for it and stuff..... i just don't want to. rick is so weird now, he is uncaring and not my
"loving" man that he has always been. he is so cold to me and i wonder if by going through all the marriage therapy and stuff is even going to work for us. not if he doesn't want to change. I don't want to waste my time going through all this so we can just end up divorced later. i hate thinking about it all the time and i really hate talking about it all the time, i am so ready to move on!!!! we went to the "therapist" thursday and rick's insurance will pay for the first 25 visits so we will be doing some good by that time hopefully. i really like the guy we are seeing he seems really good, it just seems like we are on this emotional roller coaster and i am ready to get off now!!!