so i haven't blogged in a few days and now my computer at home is down so i am stuck with the limited (very limited) internet that i can access at work. this website is one of the few that i can get to which is why i come here.
so the latest status on my marriage is.... confusing, up in the air..... rick is saying all the right stuff, everything coming out of his mouth is the right thing, and the stuff i need to hear but i am just concerned that there aren't many feelings behind it. i am worried that he is "trying" just to say he did and then he is going to leave me anyway. this whole thing has opened my eyes to so much about myself that i haven't realized ever before. i never would have thought that i would want him after something like this, i always thought i would just kick him out and go on with my life. but it is totally different when you are on this side of it. all of that stuff would be easy to do if i didn't love him, if i didn't worship the freakin' ground this man walks upon!!!!! it makes me mad that i can't get mad, all i can feel is lonely and missing him and stuff!! makes me nuts that this is the way i feel!!
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"i always thought i would just kick him out and go on with my life." You know, I never understood women who didn't do just that until I went through all this with Art. Now I totally understand it. I have no idea what I would do if faced with your situation, but I know there are no easy answers. You made a covenant before God. That's not something easily broken. It isn't supposed to be.
Still praying!
OH, and about the socks...I get that completely! I have a bag full of oddly sized socks in my closet I keep threatening to toss out. I HATE sorting baby socks!!
I'm feeling your frustration girl, totally and completely. I get so angry at S.P. only in my dreams. It seems like every few weeks I dream about what's happened and there safely away from his ears I can say and do all those things I wish I could say and do to his face. I hate him and yet I totally love him, and I guess I will forever. I felt so bad for that for so long but I've tried to come to terms with it. I just can't hurt him, I can't be mad at him when he's there. I love him and if I could have my way he'd be with me, crazy shorts, wacked out hair, manic sense of humor and all. It's o.k., I'm supposed to feel that way, God gave him to me. Same for you. You love your husband with the love that only God can give, how could a man take that away?
Hey, thanks for the comment. Come back. I miss you. I want to hear what you have to say. I love you and it's great to be talking with you again.
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