Thursday, October 18, 2007

confusing times

so how can you be so very hurt by someone, hate their guts but love them so completely!! how can someone that says they love you hurt you unlike anything you could ever imagine? ok, and how come i can't get mad about this. i mean i have moments of anger but i can't stay mad at him. i just miss him so much and want him to come home, but i know that he can't until we get stuff fixed. the problem with a busted up marriage is that you lose your best friend, your companion, your comfort zone. so how can you just get all that back? how can we move on from here? i'm not sure that i can forgive him but i don't know if i can hold it against him either. i just want my life back, but i'm not sure that things will ever get back to normal. there is just so much uneasiness and unsurity (is that a word?) things may never be back like it used to be, can i handle that? don't know. all questions no answers!!!!!

2 comments:

Art the Omnipotent said...

Oh darling. I so know how you feel. I've sometimes wondered how and why it is that I love someone so much who has harmed me more than anyone I've ever known. I think the answer lies in the fact that the marriage vow is not just between man and wife but God also. He is loving him through you. It's God, all God. I wish I could give you reasons and explanations, the Lord knows I've been begging for them for years but I do know He has a plan and a purpose and ALL things work together for good for them that love the Lord and are the called according to his purpose. Even if no one else understands,it's a comfort to know He does. He will deliver you through this with grace and yes, even peace. That's something I've come to know for absolute sure.

FarmWife said...

I'm praying for you and your kids. I can only imagine what you're going through (but since I've seen Art go through it, I have a pretty good idea of how tough you've got it right now).