that girl of mine

last night zion was eating some pudding, she said mommy "this is the best pudding so good it tastes like it has sparkles in it. this is almost as good as the pudding i had the day i met you" so i say "the day you met me, when was that?" "you know mommy when you found me in the woods" "no zion, i remember you living in my belly" "no mommy you found me in the woods where my real mother left me because she died" so please tell me where she gets this stuff! she has an incredible imagination!! but it is a little alarming cause she lies like crazy!

CRAP

time to rant for me.... or am i past ranting and just resigned to the fact that my marriage is over, not sure it still makes me really sad though, i wish he didn't have this sort of access to my heart. it would be alot easier if i hated him or if these feelings were covered with numbness or something like that! my valentines day didn't go great, i got a meal cooked for me and the kids which was really nice.... it was a great meal really it was and i am greatful for that. then today he took me to lunch so that was good too. i would have just like a card or maybe i'd like for him to say i love you or something radical like that nothing over the top not jewelry not flowers or anything just a slight gesture a hand written card would have been fine. i don't know why i expect stuff like that from him just because he has done it in the past doesn't mean he will do it now and i know that his feelings for me are gone, i just wish mine were gone too. k, sorry to bring you down!

hobbies

i have a new hobby now i have begun to knit. i really like it alot and it is a good stress relief because i can't think about anything but what i am doing right then! and the real miracle about it is that i don't completely suck at it. so far all i have done is make barbie blankets cause that is all i have ability to make but i will learn how to more!

my little zion olivia

last night i caught a glimpse of the baby i once had that has changed into a big girl that is very bossy, much like her mom! after her bath i had her sitting on my bathroom sink (in the dry) to blowdry her hair. she had her sippy cup in her mouth drinking it and her "sovey" (blanket) in her had and she was "soving" it (rubbing the silky stuff together). her eyes were about half closed and she just looked so very sweet! right now with all the whining and bossyness and fits being pitched and temper tantrums...etc.... i had forgotten what a sweetie pie she can be! also the other day she was needing a nap and we were having a fight about the fact that she was going to have to lay down by herself, i told her that it would be ok cause she was big and all the way at 4 (which is what she says to me all the time when i am telling her she is my baby) then she informed me that she was not big she was a baby "i have been tricking you all along" i really like this little girl.... i think i am keeping her!