going in to the family business

my daughter, my beautiful, bright, wonderful, mischeivous, constant daughter!!! my father was a barber before he went into the ministry he owned his own barber shop and still has been known to cut a mean head of hair from time to time. he will cut the boys in our family's hair and sometimes us girls but he don't really like to do the kids much anymore just cause they panic and stuff and he doesn't want them to associate the panic with their Big Daddy.
the day i found out my zion was going to be a girl i was on cloud 9!!! so excited i was having the girl i wanted someone to decorate and fix up after 2 boys that are manly little boys i deserved a girly girl and boy do i ever have one!!! but later that day i began to cry, the husband wanted to know what was wrong with me and i said through many tears "she is going to cut her hair" i knew it from that day. still the first time she did it i totally freaked out and was shocked and all that. the second time she did it i was aggravated but i knew she looked ok with short hair because we had been through this before so it wasn't as big of a deal. lately she has become obsessed with putting her hair up in "pinky tails" and having hair "decorations" in, her hair has finally become long enough that there was hope of that sort of thing in our near future. that was until sunday morning when she decided to give herself another trim. AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this time we passed down punishment, she is big enough to know better than that! but i'm not sure that worked as well as when i told her that now we were going to just have to wait longer to be able to put her hair up in "real pinky tails" and we were going to have to get it cut really short again because it would have to be fixed. she didn't like that at all, to tell the truth i dont like it either, why have i spent so much money on bows, barretts, pinky tail holders and all that if my daughter refuses to let her hair grow.
btw.... not a single person out there better say to me "maybe you should hide the scissors" they are hidden, she finds them and if she didn't have scissors i am convinced that she would use a knife so it is just as well that she finds the scissors.... this is the same child that i have had to pull off the top of the fridge time and time again, the same child that pulls the drawers out and uses them as stairs to get to what ever she wants. there is no height, width, slot, drawer, hole that i can put stuff in that she won't find it i can promise you that!!

flirting

flirting with a man..... fun but i have come to find out that when you have a flirtfest with someone it only makes the lonely times lonelier.
flirting with disaster.... even more fun but is it going to be worth it in the end
flirting with divorce.... not so much fun but i do feel like there has been a power shift in the last few week/days i feel better about my situation right now than i have in a very long time. there have been some major leaps forward but here's to hoping that there are no leaps backwards that come now!!!

a disservice to my daughter

i have done her wrong.... so wrong! she has obviously never learned to walk, bad mom!!! she can only bounce and jump or be carried. i think she is possessed with the spirit of tigger. you know how you read something like this and think "jeni, that's not so bad, she is happy you should be greatful that your daughter is bouncy and happy" but no, she bounces when mad as well!! have you ever tried to give a kid a bath that is constantly bouncing? or put socks on them, or give them a kiss (that is a quick way to get a busted lip) ever tried to put a bouncing child to bed at night or give them some sort of liquid medicine. you don't understand the child bounces non stop i am telling you non stop!!!! driving me nuts!!!!!!!!

hear ye hear ye

just mere hours ago i, yes i, was called a milf.... that makes me happy!! not because that is what i'm about but it is nice to know that you aren't the most mom looking person with high waisted jeans, ponytail, sweatshirt, stretch marks and saggy pitiful boobies!!! it was nice to hear, even if i don't believe it, even if the person that said it doesn't mean it! if you don't know what that means sorry........

insensitivy

so i have this friend that i sort of love, she has been my friend for several years. we were pretty close at one point but she has really changed. when we first met she was celebrating her 25th wedding anniversary, in the ministry and that sort of thing. now she has divorced that man and is no longer in the ministry and has completely backslid. i have continued my relationship with her through the occasional phone call and siteing here and there. I have not agreed with much of what she has done especially when it comes to the way she left her husband and family in the dust but i have tried to be supportive of her and her decisions. i know there is a time in life where you look up and realize that you don't have the life you wanted and that you are sick of living your life for other people constantly giving and never receiving thanks or gratitude in return. i know that and i understand that! but now this "friend" will call me to tell me about the horrible way she is being treated by her married boyfriend who is attempting to work stuff out with his wife. the conversations she is having with him are probably very similar to the conversations that my husband could be having with a certain someone. the things that the husband/boyfriend and his wife are having are probably very similar to the ones i am having. so why would you think of me as the person to call and complain to about your married boyfriend not leaving his wife for you? why in the world would someone call me to talk to about that. how completely insensitive can you be????? then she would ask how things are at my house and it is like well probably a whole lot like what it is like at your boyfriends house!!! OMG!! get a freakin clue lady!

that girl of mine

last night zion was eating some pudding, she said mommy "this is the best pudding so good it tastes like it has sparkles in it. this is almost as good as the pudding i had the day i met you" so i say "the day you met me, when was that?" "you know mommy when you found me in the woods" "no zion, i remember you living in my belly" "no mommy you found me in the woods where my real mother left me because she died" so please tell me where she gets this stuff! she has an incredible imagination!! but it is a little alarming cause she lies like crazy!

CRAP

time to rant for me.... or am i past ranting and just resigned to the fact that my marriage is over, not sure it still makes me really sad though, i wish he didn't have this sort of access to my heart. it would be alot easier if i hated him or if these feelings were covered with numbness or something like that! my valentines day didn't go great, i got a meal cooked for me and the kids which was really nice.... it was a great meal really it was and i am greatful for that. then today he took me to lunch so that was good too. i would have just like a card or maybe i'd like for him to say i love you or something radical like that nothing over the top not jewelry not flowers or anything just a slight gesture a hand written card would have been fine. i don't know why i expect stuff like that from him just because he has done it in the past doesn't mean he will do it now and i know that his feelings for me are gone, i just wish mine were gone too. k, sorry to bring you down!