Jeni Says:

going in to the family business

2008-03-18T08:10:00.001-07:00

my daughter, my beautiful, bright, wonderful, mischeivous, constant daughter!!! my father was a barber before he went into the ministry he owned his own barber shop and still has been known to cut a mean head of hair from time to time. he will cut the boys in our family's hair and sometimes us girls but he don't really like to do the kids much anymore just cause they panic and stuff and he doesn't want them to associate the panic with their Big Daddy.
the day i found out my zion was going to be a girl i was on cloud 9!!! so excited i was having the girl i wanted someone to decorate and fix up after 2 boys that are manly little boys i deserved a girly girl and boy do i ever have one!!! but later that day i began to cry, the husband wanted to know what was wrong with me and i said through many tears "she is going to cut her hair" i knew it from that day. still the first time she did it i totally freaked out and was shocked and all that. the second time she did it i was aggravated but i knew she looked ok with short hair because we had been through this before so it wasn't as big of a deal. lately she has become obsessed with putting her hair up in "pinky tails" and having hair "decorations" in, her hair has finally become long enough that there was hope of that sort of thing in our near future. that was until sunday morning when she decided to give herself another trim. AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this time we passed down punishment, she is big enough to know better than that! but i'm not sure that worked as well as when i told her that now we were going to just have to wait longer to be able to put her hair up in "real pinky tails" and we were going to have to get it cut really short again because it would have to be fixed. she didn't like that at all, to tell the truth i dont like it either, why have i spent so much money on bows, barretts, pinky tail holders and all that if my daughter refuses to let her hair grow.
btw.... not a single person out there better say to me "maybe you should hide the scissors" they are hidden, she finds them and if she didn't have scissors i am convinced that she would use a knife so it is just as well that she finds the scissors.... this is the same child that i have had to pull off the top of the fridge time and time again, the same child that pulls the drawers out and uses them as stairs to get to what ever she wants. there is no height, width, slot, drawer, hole that i can put stuff in that she won't find it i can promise you that!!

flirting

2008-03-13T12:06:00.000-07:00

flirting with a man..... fun but i have come to find out that when you have a flirtfest with someone it only makes the lonely times lonelier.
flirting with disaster.... even more fun but is it going to be worth it in the end
flirting with divorce.... not so much fun but i do feel like there has been a power shift in the last few week/days i feel better about my situation right now than i have in a very long time. there have been some major leaps forward but here's to hoping that there are no leaps backwards that come now!!!

a disservice to my daughter

2008-03-10T09:22:00.001-07:00

i have done her wrong.... so wrong! she has obviously never learned to walk, bad mom!!! she can only bounce and jump or be carried. i think she is possessed with the spirit of tigger. you know how you read something like this and think "jeni, that's not so bad, she is happy you should be greatful that your daughter is bouncy and happy" but no, she bounces when mad as well!! have you ever tried to give a kid a bath that is constantly bouncing? or put socks on them, or give them a kiss (that is a quick way to get a busted lip) ever tried to put a bouncing child to bed at night or give them some sort of liquid medicine. you don't understand the child bounces non stop i am telling you non stop!!!! driving me nuts!!!!!!!!

hear ye hear ye

2008-03-08T07:52:00.000-08:00

just mere hours ago i, yes i, was called a milf.... that makes me happy!! not because that is what i'm about but it is nice to know that you aren't the most mom looking person with high waisted jeans, ponytail, sweatshirt, stretch marks and saggy pitiful boobies!!! it was nice to hear, even if i don't believe it, even if the person that said it doesn't mean it! if you don't know what that means sorry........

insensitivy

2008-03-05T08:08:00.000-08:00

so i have this friend that i sort of love, she has been my friend for several years. we were pretty close at one point but she has really changed. when we first met she was celebrating her 25th wedding anniversary, in the ministry and that sort of thing. now she has divorced that man and is no longer in the ministry and has completely backslid. i have continued my relationship with her through the occasional phone call and siteing here and there. I have not agreed with much of what she has done especially when it comes to the way she left her husband and family in the dust but i have tried to be supportive of her and her decisions. i know there is a time in life where you look up and realize that you don't have the life you wanted and that you are sick of living your life for other people constantly giving and never receiving thanks or gratitude in return. i know that and i understand that! but now this "friend" will call me to tell me about the horrible way she is being treated by her married boyfriend who is attempting to work stuff out with his wife. the conversations she is having with him are probably very similar to the conversations that my husband could be having with a certain someone. the things that the husband/boyfriend and his wife are having are probably very similar to the ones i am having. so why would you think of me as the person to call and complain to about your married boyfriend not leaving his wife for you? why in the world would someone call me to talk to about that. how completely insensitive can you be????? then she would ask how things are at my house and it is like well probably a whole lot like what it is like at your boyfriends house!!! OMG!! get a freakin clue lady!

that girl of mine

2008-02-29T09:41:00.000-08:00

last night zion was eating some pudding, she said mommy "this is the best pudding so good it tastes like it has sparkles in it. this is almost as good as the pudding i had the day i met you" so i say "the day you met me, when was that?" "you know mommy when you found me in the woods" "no zion, i remember you living in my belly" "no mommy you found me in the woods where my real mother left me because she died" so please tell me where she gets this stuff! she has an incredible imagination!! but it is a little alarming cause she lies like crazy!

CRAP

2008-02-15T11:38:00.000-08:00

time to rant for me.... or am i past ranting and just resigned to the fact that my marriage is over, not sure it still makes me really sad though, i wish he didn't have this sort of access to my heart. it would be alot easier if i hated him or if these feelings were covered with numbness or something like that! my valentines day didn't go great, i got a meal cooked for me and the kids which was really nice.... it was a great meal really it was and i am greatful for that. then today he took me to lunch so that was good too. i would have just like a card or maybe i'd like for him to say i love you or something radical like that nothing over the top not jewelry not flowers or anything just a slight gesture a hand written card would have been fine. i don't know why i expect stuff like that from him just because he has done it in the past doesn't mean he will do it now and i know that his feelings for me are gone, i just wish mine were gone too. k, sorry to bring you down!

hobbies

2008-02-07T11:23:00.000-08:00

i have a new hobby now i have begun to knit. i really like it alot and it is a good stress relief because i can't think about anything but what i am doing right then! and the real miracle about it is that i don't completely suck at it. so far all i have done is make barbie blankets cause that is all i have ability to make but i will learn how to more!

my little zion olivia

2008-02-01T09:09:00.000-08:00

last night i caught a glimpse of the baby i once had that has changed into a big girl that is very bossy, much like her mom! after her bath i had her sitting on my bathroom sink (in the dry) to blowdry her hair. she had her sippy cup in her mouth drinking it and her "sovey" (blanket) in her had and she was "soving" it (rubbing the silky stuff together). her eyes were about half closed and she just looked so very sweet! right now with all the whining and bossyness and fits being pitched and temper tantrums...etc.... i had forgotten what a sweetie pie she can be! also the other day she was needing a nap and we were having a fight about the fact that she was going to have to lay down by herself, i told her that it would be ok cause she was big and all the way at 4 (which is what she says to me all the time when i am telling her she is my baby) then she informed me that she was not big she was a baby "i have been tricking you all along" i really like this little girl.... i think i am keeping her!

Who's Your Daddy

2008-01-24T07:08:00.001-08:00

Your Daddy Is Pedro Martinez

What You Call Him: Papi
Why You Love Him: He takes you to Disneyland

Who's" Your Daddy?

sheep juice

2008-01-24T06:49:00.000-08:00

last night i was making lasagna and i make what i call a "cheaters lasagna" and i use cottage cheese instead of ricotta or anything else. zion was helping me she is ever so helpful!! she said she wanted to put the "sheep juice" on the lasagna and i couldn't figure out what she was talking about until the next time i put a layer of cottage cheese i realized that it looked like wool, i asked her if that was what she was talking about and she said yes! so now and forever more cottage cheese will be known as sheep juice... spread the word!

part of my book

2008-01-22T18:18:00.000-08:00

this is an old post that i had put on myspace, but i thought it was funny so i thought i would share it in blogspot world too

My kids have taught me so much about the Bible and God. Zion's favorite scripture is "love one another" and she quotes it all the time. They have taught me about God's unconditional love, and the reason that he sometimes has to tell us "no" because he knows more than we do. Why punishment really is the best thing for us sometimes and why somethings really aren't that big of a deal. Sometimes Elisha (who is very artsy and emotionally driven) just needs to cry, no real reason just to express some emotions that he hasn't been able to in a while or because he doesn't feel like he is being heard. Just like when I go to God feeling sorry for myself and I just need to cry on his shoulder. Josiah has taught me so much about joy, true joy. Just having a smile on your face and love.... he is endless love. There is nothing like when he says "mom, i just need to be near you for a few minutes" wow!! Just like when I get in a place where I need to be near Jesus for a while, I just need to feel his presence.
But I think the most important thing that my children have taught me about God and the Bible is that I hate that Proverbs 31 woman!!!! She really gets me, can't stand her!
Last night Zion had a preschool graduation, we had to be there at 6pm. The boys got home at 3:30 from school, I let them have a little bit of down time while I made the cookies that I had signed up for. Thinking to myself "I have alot of time, I am so good, I'm doing so good" (by the way, we are ALWAYS late for everything, and I am trying with everything in me to correct that) so I had Elisha get in the tub at 4:00, he is doing his bath stuff all by himself now so that isnt a problem but lately he hasn't been getting his hair clean, I decided that since I was doing so good on time I would take a few minutes to school him once more on how to get his hair really good and clean. Zion is outside helping her daddy oil the deck, the most important thing in the world for him to be doing at this time, Josiah is playing the playstation. Everyone is occupied!!! Wow, I'm am a pro at this!! So I go in a so very patiently and lovingly teach my son how to make sure his hair doesn't look like a stump full of grandaddys! Then get to the ironing...... ok, maybe I should have done this already...... no problem I still have alot of time. So Elisha gets out of the tub and Zion gets in. Just like clockwork baby!! Then I go back to ironing, Elisha's shirt, my skirt, Rick's shirt......ok, I'm running out of time, time to start the rush! I call out to Rick outside and tell him that I need him to stop oiling the deck, the most important thing in the world for him to be doing at this time, and help me out a little cause we need to leave in an hour and Zion is in the tub, Josiah needs a bath and I have to take a shower and get ready, ok, really feeling the rush now!!!!!!!!!!! Rick comes in as I am finishing his shirt, I quickly instruct him to get Zion washed and stick Josiah in, and he goes to work, after he goes to the bathroom and takes his shoes off, goes to the kitchen and steals one of the cookies I have been beating the kids off of because I was supposed to take 2 dozen and only had 21, the cookies I made from a package (that Proverbs 31 woman would have made them from scratch, can't stand her) so Elisha comes and tells on his daddy for stealing a cookie and I am too frantic right now to care, so ok, fine everyone gets 1 cookie a piece. I don't have time to argue that daddy is an adult and I can't do anything to control him. Then Rick washes Zion and sticks Josiah in the tub, I finished the shirt then Rick took over to go over Zion's dress and I am going to fix her hair. So I, feeling the fact that it is 5:15 and I really need to be in the shower right now, but she needs to look as pretty as possible for this graduation. I blow dry her hair, trying with closed eyes and purposeful patience, to not scream at everyone because we are running late! AGAIN! I get her hair done and it looks really good, she is so beautiful!! Consumed for a second by the fact that she is so amazing.......wait, I don't have time for this! I jump in the shower, scrub scrub, shave, scrub and out, the whole thing took me about 1min30sec! I get out wrap my head in a towel, and get to putting on my makeup. Rick has finished her dress, but (he is smart) he has her just put on running around clothes so her dress doesn't get messed up before her ceremony. Rick gets in the shower and I am getting done with my makeup, thinking.... we might just barely make it, maybe just maybe we will be on time. "boys, come get dressed" so they get their clothes and go to their seperate corners and get dressed, Elisha looks great (his hair clean for the first time in weeks, and he is very impressed with the difference in it!) Josiah comes in and I fix his hair, wow! what a handsome boy, I have great looking kids. Putting on my eyeliner "we are going to be the best looking family there, so together and on time and everything" Rick is getting ready to get out of the shower. As I'm making the final touches on my makeup, my beautiful perfect daughter comes in the bathroom and time stops, her hair..... what is wrong with her hair......... she put something in it....... soap? water?....... I look closer to inspect....there are suds, lots of suds.......what in the world is that?...... who cares we don't have time, clothes off, into the shower with daddy get rinsed!!!!!!!!!! As Rick is rinseing her off he realizes that it is lotion, so rinseing alone will not do, we must wash it all over again. She is crying cause the shower is hotter than she is used to, so Rick turns the temp down and is trying to be patient as we try to find out what exactly it is in her hair. He gets her cleaned off and back out of the shower, I stick her back up on the sink and get ready to dry her hair, AGAIN!!! Now it is 5:50, no way are we getting there by 6, I'm still in my bra and panties with my hair up in a towel, Zion is in a towel with her hair wet, who knows what it is going to look like and Rick is just now getting out of the shower. Rick gets dressed really quickly (which in and of itself is amazing) and we decide that he will take the kids and go on, I will finish up and head over graduation isn't supposed to start until 6:30, she just had to be there a little early, ok, everything will be fine. Rick rushes around, we get Zions dress on, shoes on, she once again looks beautiful, she does a little spin for me and brushes her hair off her shoulder and says "wow, mommy! I'm more beautiful than ever!" she was right but, gogogogogogogo!!! I yell to the boys "everybody get in the van, they start loading up, great little kids!! Zion has a minimeltdown because they are leaving me there alone and I'm not going with them" we explain how I'll be there in a minute but she needs to go so she don't be late. RUSHRUSH, Rick stops by the mirror to CLIP HIS MOUSTACHE AND NOSE HAIRS!! GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love him, I love him, I love him! He goes, they go. The house is quiet and I have to get my hair done and dress on and go. 5 minutes tops, and I am gone. I then realize that I am to drive the Jeep, yes a real Jeep, no top, no sides, no doors!!!!!! Ok, it will be fine I've got wild looking curly hair anyway, I'll just let the Jeep blow dry my hair, save time!!! Gather the cookies (which Rick was kind enough to put in a ziploc bag, thank you honey, I'm sure that this ziploc bag is just the presentation we were looking for at this fine occasion) look for a platter..... and go. Worried that the cookies will fall out of the Jeep when I make turns, so I try to keep one hand on the cookies, shifting gears......wind in my hair, hair in my mouth and eyes blowing everywhere!!! I've never attempted to drive a sidesout Jeep with a dress on before, I now know why...... just as I'm passing cars my skirt blows up to my waist and reveals all my tidbits!!!!!!!!!! I'm trying to drive a stick shift, keep my skirt tucked between my legs with knees clinched (not the easiest thing while switching from brake to clutch) hold the cookies so they don't fly out, and do my best to keep my hair out of my eyes enough to see where I'm going. I get there, finally, "I'm late, they've started, I've missed her walking in, bad mom, bad mom!!!" gotta drop the cookies off, dump the out of the ziploc bag and onto the platter. Rush to the sanctuary, she is standing outside the doors and hasn't gone in just yet!! "yeah, I didn't miss it" inside the ceremony they are praying and my daughter yells "MOMMY, you made it!!!" oh yeah, that's great!!!!!!! I go in place the rest of my family and sit, they march in, my daughter, the most beautiful kid there, in the prettiest dress! And as they introduce themselves they are supposed to say their favorite thing about preschool. All the kids are saying stuff like "my name is Dalton and I like to play outside" "my name is Dustin and I like the big wheels" then my child "I'm Zion and I just like my mommy" and that my friends is why she is alive!!! Did I tell you that we figured out what she put on her hair, carpet cleaner this pet odor and stain remover stuff! But none of that matters, she just told 100 people that all she wants to do is play with me!!!

funny josiah

2008-01-20T15:58:00.000-08:00

josiah just came in here and asked me "if it is a five day forecast why is it not called a five cast?" good question, i thought it was funny!

killing the dreams of little children

2008-01-19T07:10:00.001-08:00

i am a complete idiot and i have no internal dialogue if something comes into my mind most of the time it will shoot out of my mouth like word vomit. mere moments ago i was cashing a check for a lady and i remembered that i had forgotten to put money under elisha's pillow for the tooth that he lost yesterday. first just let me say that my kids don't believe in the tooth fairy, they know that it is me and rick that do it because half of the time we forget and have to explain that we forgot so they have to keep the tooth under the pillow for a week at a time until i remember to do it. so having said that i don't think about the fact that other kids believe there is an actual fairy that drifts into their rooms at night and mess with them while they are asleep. so out of my mouth comes "oh man i forgot to leave money under my kids pillow for his tooth" the 8 year old child with her became curious. she glanced up at her mother repeatedly with a very significant glance and the mom was visibly irritated with me. i apologized but i am sure they are having some nice conversation right now. i am such an idiot!! i should have yelled while she was on her way out the door "oh, by the way, there is no santa either" i can't believe i did that!!

my new fave prayer

2008-01-18T09:03:00.000-08:00

Grant me the serenity to accept the thing I cannot chage, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they ticked me off. And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as they may be connected to the butt that I may have to kiss tomorrow. And help me to remember when I'm having a really bad day, and it seems that people are trying to make me mad, that it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me.

Hallelujah!

my chirren!

2008-01-15T05:25:00.000-08:00

last night as my 2 younger children were supposed to be asleep josiah begins to yell for me like he was dying. i ran in there and he tells me that zion has told him something so horrible and untrue and he wanted me to straighten her out. she had told him that martin luther king jr was dead. so then i had to be the bearer of bad news and let him know that yes in fact he was dead and he had died a long time ago, a long time before i was born. then zion sits up in her bed completely amazed because she decided that i grew up with mlkj. i said "no, he died before i was born, now you both go to sleep and we will talk more about this in the morning" where do they come up with this stuff!! they are both talking about the civil rights movement in school right now so i guess that is why they have mlkj on the mind.
elisha has come out with some new terminology. last night he said "dad, i just busted a grumpy" neither rick nor i had any idea what he was talking about so he let us know that that meant he had just farted. never heard that one before.... bustin a grumpy!

it's been a while

2008-01-12T07:04:00.000-08:00

it has been a while since i have even been able to catch up on my reading of other's blogs or post one myself. there have been many miles between my last blog and this one. christmas was wild. i was that mom that i never thought i would be and i got my 9year old son a cell phone, he was so excited and has been really responsible with it so far. rick and i told him that we would put $20 a month on it (it is prepaid) then anything above and beyond that he would have to pay for and when it is out of minutes he can't use it anymore so he has been really careful with it. i mean really who does he have to talk to that much!!! he has been enjoying sending texts to his far away cousins and stuff. the other 2 have been thrilled with what they got too josiah is enjoying the heck out of the xbox 360 and zion loves her huge doll house and smart cycle. it went really well for the kids. as for me..... i am really trying to be greatful for what i did get but the man in my life gave me house shoes!!!! my sisters and parents did good they always do, i am greatful for my family and my friends and greatful that i had the ability to make the day good for my kids and stuff. i would have been fine if he didn't get my anything but freakin' house shoes???? i'm not sure why it made me so angry!!
i did much traveling over new years as i had to trek all the way to arkansas for my family's christmas. me alone with 3 kids on an 11 hour car trip where the dvd player never really worked that great. it wasn't so bad they did really well on the way down and we broke up the trip where we stayed in west tn for a night then went the rest of the way the next day, it wasn't so bad but the way home the last 5 hours of the trip was painful!!! the kids were exhausted, bored and obviously needed to pee constantly. we stopped no less than 5000 times just from nashville to knoxville. it was great when we got home cause i got the car unloaded then left the house leaving rick to take care of the kids since he had had that week off and i went and got a mani pedi. i decided that since my rotten sorry no good cheatin husband had gotten me house shoes for christmas i would be good to myself for my christmas present to me and it was wonderful and well deserved!!

the conversation in the back seat

2007-12-26T13:39:00.000-08:00

today we were driving home from wal-mart and zion was looking at josiah's favorite book in the world "the national audubon's field guide to north american reptiles and amphibians" ok, he loves this book and very rarely even allows others to look at it much less his sister. so she is looking and they are discussing what she is seeing. zion, "hey siah, what kind of snake is this" josiah, "that's not a snake it's a toad" zion, "oh ok, where is it's face" josiah, "right there between it's cheeks" i loved that description!

what more can a girl ask for?

2007-12-23T17:11:00.000-08:00

i was informed that art and farmie are going to allow me into their club "the worstest mommy ever club" that makes me happy. finally someone recognizes my talents as a bad mom! this is not the easiest route to take. you have to be glad when you have a day or 2 kid free, you have to hide in your bedroom while the kids are fighting, you have to forget very important things like lunch money, teacher presents, birthday parties and the like. this is not the easiest thing to do, i have to work really hard to be a bad mom!!!
but even though this has been a good day i am very upset and this is why, why can't i find just a bottle of hairspray? not curl spray, or shining spray, or finishing spray or stuff that smells like clouds and berries, i just want to be able to spray my bangs so they don't fly every where and show off the fact that i have a horrible cowlick! is that just too much to ask for, just hairspray!!!

bus worries

2007-12-19T08:20:00.000-08:00

riding along on my emotional roller coaster. 2 nights ago i was inconsolable, yesterday i was mad for most of the day and today i want to forget any of this is happening. this is so fun!!
my sweet #2 boys josiah feel asleep on the bus on the way home from school monday and he missed the stop, elisha came running into the house with the announcement "mom we have a major issue" he was smiling the whole time while telling me that josiah didn't get off the bus so i thought he was kidding. after i found out that he wasn't i went and called the school and they called the bus driver who had noticed he had a straggler in the back and had already turned around to bring him home. i was driving down to the bus stop and met him and our very sweet neighbor on the way to our house, he was walking josiah home so he didn't have to come alone. i got him in the car with me and he was very shaky voiced and scared. he said he was mostly just mad at himself because he shouldn't have fallen asleep. I kept telling him that it wasn't his fault, it is just one of those things that happen, it's not anyone's fault. elisha felt really responsible for it because he got off the bus without making sure josiah was there. i explained to him that it wasn't his responsibility to take care of him brother all the time, but i know that now that this has happened it will never happen again, so we learn from it and move on. they were both scared they would be in trouble and josiah was really shook up, so i let him pick where we had supper that night anywhere he wants to go he picked burger king, just because they had good toys in their kids meals. i never let them have kids meals cause they are so much more expensive but i did the other night so he would be happy. the night ended well and everyone was safe and sound at home.

a little bit together

2007-12-12T12:48:00.000-08:00

so last night we were doing the family thing, we put a gingerbread house together (i got a kit, not from scratch i'm not that domestic) putting it together was a total pain in the butt, i swear i needed a valium after. there are times that i wonder if i have enough patience to do this thing (the parenting thing) then i know that i don't so i just need Jesus to help me!!!!!!! the kids had a good time but i kept getting aggravated cause it kept falling apart, it is really not that big of a deal or anything not in the scope of eternity it isn't but i get so frustrated so easily at times. then there is my princess, love that kid, she is my joy!!! she has become the most frustrating child in the world, not only that but extremely whiny and she has emotional break downs over everything. makes me wonder when was the last time that i saw her happy for like 5 min in a row! she has such a beautiful smile, i would just like to see it more often! Elisha is the protagonist at our house, he is such a pot stirrer, if everyone is happy and getting along he HAS to do something to get something going. the other night he just went and stood in front of the tv purposefully in josiah and zions way. they had been quiet and happy for a few min and he just couldn't stand it. i am very frustrated with my sweet babies right now, don't know how i am going to pull off the single mom thing?????

@#$#@$#$@#$#@

2007-12-07T07:16:00.000-08:00

i am really wanting to unleash an obscenity laden rant this morning, but i will try to keep this as G-rated as possible. i am figuring out that i am still being lied to, of course i am still being lied to the man is a liar! this is just all really hard to swallow. he is frustrated with me cause i am catching him so he is being a jerk. i am ready to puke and crawl into the fetal position with plugs in my ears my eyes shut tightly shut and never crawl out of a big hole! if not for my kids and my job i would be doing just that i promise you. i want to scream at the top of my lungs. i can't believe he thinks i am this stupid.

thankful

2007-11-28T19:06:00.000-08:00

This is a homework assignment for my 9 year old neice, she is hilarious and this was her list, please ignore the typos my sister can't spell!!!

A- Animals- I am thankful for animals because they can give you food for example cows give you milk
B- Breanna- I am thankful for Breanna because she is my sister me and her play games togethr and do soo much things together
C- Cats- I am thankful for cats because they are playful and pretty
D- Dad- I am thankful for my dad because he is so much fun i like to play game with him
E- Excitment-I am thankful for excitment because it keeps you running and active
F- Family- I am thankful for my family because friends can move to different countries but famliesy are always there
G- Glad- I am thankful for being glad because when someone is sad you can make them glad by telling them a joke or something like that.
H- Holidays- I am thankful for holidays because they are times of years when my family comes together
I- Islands- I am thankful for islands because without them the earth would just be water
J- Jesus- I am thankful for because he is the king of kings he is the lord of lords
K- Keenan- I am thankful for Keenan because he is little he ius like my maid when i askhim to do something he will do as i ask
L- Lori - I am thankful for Lori because she is my mom
M - Mom- I am thankful for my mom becuase she gave me life breath
N- Night- I am thankful for night time because without it we would just have light all of the time and no sleep
O- Owasso - I am thankful for Owasso because it is the state that i used to live in
P- Parents- I am thankful for my parents because they give e food and a place to live
Q- Quilts- I am thankful for quilts because they keep us warm at night
R- Rainbows - I am thankful for rainbows because they are one of the most prettiest things in the sky
S- Stylin- I am thankful for Stylin because it is pretty
T-Tori -I am thankful for Tori because she is my best friend
U- United States- I am thankful for the united states becasue it is the country we live in
V- Venus Fly Trap- I am thankful for Venus fly traps because they eat flies
W- Water- I am thankful for watr becase most of our body is made up of water (her spelling error on this one actually says "because most of our Botty is made up of water- most of my booty is made up of water!!!!)
X- X-rays- I am thankful for x-rays because they let us know if a bone is broken
Y- Years - I am thankful for years because with out them our sloar system would be just every where.
Z- Zoos- I am thankful for zoos because it is a place where we can see all different kinds of animals

zion olivia

2007-11-25T17:31:00.000-08:00

Zion had her first experience with an electric fence today..... she didn't really enjoy it, I was waiting for her to go back out there and challenge the fence to a duel threatening to make it short out, but she stayed away from it for the rest of the time we were there. Once we got home tonight she came to me and showed me her leg and arm where she had been written on with a marker, she (knowing that writing on herself is strictly forbidden) begins to tell me how she didn't do it, the markers did it by themselves because they are "magic markers"

Thankful?

2007-11-24T08:13:00.000-08:00

tis the season to be thankful, i know, but it isn't that easy this year. I am thankful for my kids, my friends, my family. so how is it that everything that is so good in my life gets overshadowed by the fact that my husband is a *^%$+~ so my new pet peeve is when people tell me that i am a strong woman or "more of a woman than i could ever be" or tell me how brave i am or try in other ways to be like "chin up jen, things will get better" ok, when will they get better, anyone got a time frame on that one? i would like some sort of syllabus or timeline for that whole getting better thing. i am not strong i am weak, if i was strong i would have burned his crap and kicked him out but i am weak because i don't care about all the other stuff i just want him. but then all the other stuff comes up and i hate him all over again. i hate this crap so much.
thanksgiving day was total crap, one of my worst days. wanda took the kids to north carolina so i ended up coming home to an empty house by myself at about 3o'clock in the afternoon and i was in the bed by about 6:45, i just couldn't handle being completely alone....sucks!!

my daughter

2007-11-20T05:28:00.001-08:00

she is incredible!!! she is in the living room right now watching finding nemo, nemo and his dad were just reunited and she is laughing with excitement through tears..... she is such a girl.... i love it!!!

josiah the superhero!

2007-11-19T15:54:00.000-08:00

josiah just walked in the room where i am cooking a delicious and nutricious dinner and informed me that he wished he glowed cause if he could glow then he wouldn't need a nightlight, he would be the nightlight! he is so smart!

go girls team

2007-11-18T13:34:00.000-08:00

ok, so today we really should have gone to church but i was really just wanting to sleep until i woke up and now that the kids are pretty good at getting up and entertaining themselves until i get up i can do that sometimes. i slept until about 8:30, it was so nice!!! I wanted to do something fun with them cause we haven't in a long time so I asked Elisha what he wanted to do, he suggested we go bowling that sounded like a pretty good idea so that is what we did. while i was getting ready Elisha wrote me a poem: roses are red violets are blue why don't you let daddy live in the same room as you.... great poem..... thanks kid, i really needed something to feel bad about today. especially since this is a decision that daddy is making right now and i hate it just as much as they do, i think it is stupid, unneccessary and all that but it is what he wants so i don't have a vote.
while we were bowling, zion and i defeated the boys GO GIRLS TEAM!!! so i said to the boys "girls rule boys drool" in my very most grown up voice. josiah then retaliated with "boys go to college to get more knowledge, girls go to jupiter to get more stupider" i was impressed at his rhyming ability. zion came back with "girls go to college and get more beautiful, boys go to jupiter to get more stupider" valiant effort my only daughter valian effort! we celebrated our victory with a nap. i think we will attempt church tonight, i just do not really enjoy going anywhere while my scarlet letter is so visible to everyone, but i have to keep my kids involved in their life whether i want to check out or not!!!

some favorite stories

2007-11-16T11:22:00.000-08:00

to lighten the mood somewhat i will now tell a few of my favorite stories from my children.
#1 Elisha, always the entrepreneur has from time to time opened his own business (so to speak) he usually will take snacks out of the pantry, put them in a box and charge his brother and sister to eat them. they usually come to me for the money. so i end up paying 2xs for the same thing. one day he decided to open a "organizing"business. he made a sign and put it up on his door that said "Elisha's organinzing community, where you come in unorganized and leave with a smile" i thought that was hilarious!!!! He is such a marketing genius!!
#2 Josiah, when he was 5 he walked up behind Elisha (who has always bullied his brother) and smacked him to the ground, tilted his head back and said "yeah, that's how I roll" he was very proud of himself.
#3 Zion, oh Zion, there are so many stories..... right now the favorite of the moment is when i got on to her the other day and she said "i can't believe you would do this to your only daughter" she has the emotional manipulation downpat!!!!

one last time

2007-11-12T10:27:00.001-08:00

ok, so i am going to say this because i just now have been able to put it into words, then i will no longer (ok, right whatever) post about this depressing crap and become my normal cheery self..... yeah, ok
I have figured out what i feel like right now:
I am way down in the bottom of a very deep well several people come by, peek in the top and say such wise things as "you really should get out of there" or "here let me help you get out" then they reach their hand in that is soooo completely short it don't even come close to reaching. then i have those who say "i've been in this well, you can get out, it will just take time" all the while i am in the bottom of this thing, no rope, no footholds, no hand holds nothing. i feel like i am making some headway then fall all the way back down to the bottom. people come by and say "let me know if i can help you get out of there" but no one is able to help me. then my husband is standing there telling me how if i loved myself enough i wouldn't be in this well and if i was just a different person i would be able to get out with no problem at all......
ok, so that is it

Jeni Says

2007-11-11T14:20:00.001-08:00

emotional roller coaster

2007-11-11T13:43:00.000-08:00

today has not really been that great for me. i know that i "should" go to church but it is such an emotional roller coaster for me when i do so that makes me not want to go. everything reminds me of the life i used to have and will probably never have again. people in ministry, men of integrity, teenagers............ just makes me want to sit at my house and not go. i went this morning and this couple got up and testified about how they were divorced and God brought them back together and now they are in ministry together and all of that. it just makes me mad cause i never wanted to be one of those couples with the whole "we made it through this and you can too stories" not that that is a bad thing or whatever i just didn't want to go through something like this. i know that people make it through this kind of stuff all the time and are better for it and stuff..... i just don't want to. rick is so weird now, he is uncaring and not my
"loving" man that he has always been. he is so cold to me and i wonder if by going through all the marriage therapy and stuff is even going to work for us. not if he doesn't want to change. I don't want to waste my time going through all this so we can just end up divorced later. i hate thinking about it all the time and i really hate talking about it all the time, i am so ready to move on!!!! we went to the "therapist" thursday and rick's insurance will pay for the first 25 visits so we will be doing some good by that time hopefully. i really like the guy we are seeing he seems really good, it just seems like we are on this emotional roller coaster and i am ready to get off now!!!

Dirty Dancing UK - Julia and James First Dance

2007-11-11T05:30:00.001-08:00

I love this!!!

Rant

2007-11-05T08:12:00.000-08:00

I FEEL LIKE CRAP!! I have been sick all weekend. Fever, chills, body aches, sore throat, headache.... the whole kit and caboodle! I am thinking it is just a sinus infection but who knows, I know it can't be the flu, I don't have time for the flu.
So Friday night I had a visitor who was very put out with me for "acting very prom queen" about all this stuff with Rick, he said I was pulling high school crap and I needed to grow up. When a man screws up and admits it it is my job to forgive him and move on with life. So is that the way it is supposed to be? I should just be greatful that he wants to still be in my life and not make him reap any consequences for what he has done. Just take him back in (that is if he wants to come back) and forget the rest because he has said he is sorry. I don't think it is "high school" of me to expect my husband to love me and act like he loves me. I don't think it is "high school" of me to want him to put out some effort to woo me back. Maybe I am expecting too much out of him, after all he is "just a man" but I am sorry I don't think that having a penis automatically exempts you from being an idiot. I am a little sick of that crappy excuse! Just because I have a vaginia does not give me the excuse to be a b-----! Well ok, maybe it does a little but I don't try to get out of my responsibilities because of the thing! Anyway..........

football is over

2007-11-03T09:05:00.000-07:00

3 nights a week since August we have been engaged in football. Elisha lives for football and while it is football season our entire house revolves around this sport. Zion was cheering this year too, so at least she was somewhat occupied during practices and games. But today it all comes to an end. We have a moms vs. kids game monday night that all the moms are really excited about! But they played their last game today, the championship game which they lost :(! 20-8 not great, but they are the 2nd team in the league which isn't a bad thing at all! I know he is disappointed, I can't help but be a little excited just because I am so sick of football that I could scream. I am ready to have a life other than practice, games, and washing uniforms all the time. I am making everyone take a break from all sports right now, nothing for the next season, I am taking some time off of the soccer/football/basketball/baseball mom thing. Hopefully we can get the rest of our family stuff straight so there isn't so much stinkin stress when the next season comes along.

blah blah blobbity blah

2007-10-24T09:26:00.001-07:00

so i haven't blogged in a few days and now my computer at home is down so i am stuck with the limited (very limited) internet that i can access at work. this website is one of the few that i can get to which is why i come here.
so the latest status on my marriage is.... confusing, up in the air..... rick is saying all the right stuff, everything coming out of his mouth is the right thing, and the stuff i need to hear but i am just concerned that there aren't many feelings behind it. i am worried that he is "trying" just to say he did and then he is going to leave me anyway. this whole thing has opened my eyes to so much about myself that i haven't realized ever before. i never would have thought that i would want him after something like this, i always thought i would just kick him out and go on with my life. but it is totally different when you are on this side of it. all of that stuff would be easy to do if i didn't love him, if i didn't worship the freakin' ground this man walks upon!!!!! it makes me mad that i can't get mad, all i can feel is lonely and missing him and stuff!! makes me nuts that this is the way i feel!!

confusing times

2007-10-18T09:11:00.000-07:00

so how can you be so very hurt by someone, hate their guts but love them so completely!! how can someone that says they love you hurt you unlike anything you could ever imagine? ok, and how come i can't get mad about this. i mean i have moments of anger but i can't stay mad at him. i just miss him so much and want him to come home, but i know that he can't until we get stuff fixed. the problem with a busted up marriage is that you lose your best friend, your companion, your comfort zone. so how can you just get all that back? how can we move on from here? i'm not sure that i can forgive him but i don't know if i can hold it against him either. i just want my life back, but i'm not sure that things will ever get back to normal. there is just so much uneasiness and unsurity (is that a word?) things may never be back like it used to be, can i handle that? don't know. all questions no answers!!!!!

My pastor is amazing

2007-10-17T08:12:00.000-07:00

my pastor is the greatest man in the world! I was listening to Good Morning America today and they said that a mega church is defined as a church with more than 2000 members and that there are 250 in America now. My church is one of those 250, we have 3500 members. I love my church so much and have since I started going there, but my "recent tragedy" has really made me appreciate it so much more. My pastor has called me 2x's just to check on me. The man is in charge of caring for 3500 people on a day to day basis and he takes the time out to call me when he was thinking about me. He said that I was heavy on his heart and so he decided to call me and see how I was. I sooooo needed that right when he called. I was having a rough day and I needed to know that God knew my name. It was just really cool of him to do that. My church has really stepped up and helped me alot through this as well as many friends and family, but you know you sort of just expect them to step up but for a church the size of ours to minister so personally to me during this has been great!